The Gold Cicada Molts Its Shell

The band plays softly. I can see we're all in for a fabulous evening's apocalypse.

Alright, so it's the same few lines every damn New Year. Who cares, it's my tradition, I will uphold it! Somehow.

But let's take a look back at the things that have happened in 2013, shall we?

I left my old job, bummed around the house for a few months, went to the beach with the grandparents for grandpa's birthday, turned 27(!!!!!!!!!), found a new job (and failing at it!), have not returned to the Master's program (because how the fuck am I supposed to pay for it, holy shitballs man), and... then some.

Good things and bad things happened this year. Most of the year, I've been so very down. I know I don't show it as much, but I've been sad more times than I can count this year. I'm... probably losing my best friend because of some douchebag. I've probably already lost her. I don't know. I don't want to lose hope, but at the same time, it already feels so hopeless. I've also been very tight on money lately. So many things to pay for, so little paycheck. I need to still learn how to manage a budget. I'm getting there.

There is one thing I'm most grateful about, though, for 2013. Or, well, two or three, really. It came late in the year, but I'm still glad it did. It gave me something to be happy about, something to look forward to other than going back into the daily boring grind that is my social media job (it's not apparently up my alley!).

So yes. I would like to thank, from the bottom of my heart, Noey and Miggy for being awesome friends, and Pam for making those puppy eyes that convinced me to join your Saturday WoD group. I don't think I've been this happy in a very long time now. Because of you three, I've met amazing people and my inspiration to write and draw has returned. Feels good to have that back, really.

Again.

Thank you, so very much. You guys mean so much to me.





And that, my darlings, is the end of 2013. Sorry if my anecdotes aren't as interesting as everyone else's. Still! I hope you all have a great and prosperous year ahead!

A toast to 2014 and it's many possibilities! See you around, loves!

I forgot hideous wasn't a community, haha! It... would be nice if it was, though! Then I don't have to keep logging in/out or switching accounts too much.

Ah, well.

(To those unaware, hideous is my creative journal!)

【THE TIME CAPSULE MEME】

:)

it's a horrible feeling. like there's so much energy inside you wanting to just burst out, making you want to run down a hill during the rain, screaming your lungs out with your arms spread wide but all you can do, all you want to do is lie in bed and under the covers and wish for the world to end. all you can think of is "i don't want this anymore" and "i can't do this anymore" and you want to quit everything because no matter how hard you try there isn't anything for you. you have a thankless job. a thankless life. but you spoil the people you love anyway because you love them and because you really don't care if the bus you ride on the way home runs off a bridge and into the river or if a crazed thief stabs you in the gut for your near-empty purse but at least it's you and not someone you love. it's horrible to even think of it and you hate yourself for it but you're stuck at the bottom with no way up and the panic attacks just keep happening and you just can't do this anymore.

you've run out of tears and there's no where to hide. you try to cheer yourself up but it doesn't even work.

it's like the whole world is against your happiness.

and you just want it to






end

I just need to survive until the end of the year, and then I think I can finally breathe easy again.